When I was a young girl, my mother always wanted me to be a lawyer. I was so argumentative that she called me "the Philadelphia lawyer." I thought about it but made other choices. Now that I have spent the past 10 years working with practitioners all I can say is, "Whew! For once, I am glad that I did not listen to my mother."

Being a lawyer, especially in a solo or small practice, is extremely stressful. In fact, it is one of the most stressful occupations and has a high rate of burnout and alcoholism. Contributing to the stress of practicing law are client, partnership, administrative, technology and financial issues. This does not even consider the amount of time it takes to keep up with the changes in the law. No wonder lawyers are stressed. While we are all stressed at some time and for short periods of time, some of the early signs of stress are:

• Fatigue, headaches, sighing

• Eating/drinking too much or too little

• Irritability/short temper

• Difficulty concentrating

• Feeling overwhelmed

• Disturbed sleep or too much sleep

I do not know about you, but I have exhibited many of those symptoms listed, which are normal for short periods of time. If you start to have many or all of these symptoms for long periods of time, however, then you need to find ways to handle the stress before it starts to cause serious problems. Sometimes we are stressed and overwhelmed and we may not even realize it. There are a few good websites that can help you recognize stress and its causes. At www.stressdiagnosis.com, there is good information on how to recognize and handle stress. Another good site to help you realize what causes stress is www.pbs.org/weblab/workingstiff/stressometer/index.html  This is from a PBS series on work.

You cannot eliminate stress, but you can handle and manage it so that it does not prevent you from being productive. According to the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, the factors that reduce stress are balanced between personal and work life, a support network of friends and colleagues and a relaxed and positive outlook.

Call in the Cavalry!!

One of the most important ways to handle stress is to ask or look for help when you need it. This can range from finding the most efficient way to handle your e-mail to seeking professional counseling. Help comes in all forms. If you feel overwhelmed, start by focusing on handling some small inefficiency or problem. Learning to the use the Internet more efficiently and effectively could save you some time which could help relieve some of the stress. In last month’s (June) column, I described in great detail what type of helpful information is available on the MSBA website and how to use the listserves more effectively.

Where Does the Time Go?

Sometimes it is not so much that we do not have enough time but that we do not use our time as wisely as we should. A few years ago, when my mother became very ill for the first time, I found myself running back and forth to Pennsylvania while working full-time, training for my first marathon, planning the Solo Conference, etc. What I discovered at that time was that I actually was able to get a lot of my work done without too much difficulty. I did it by eliminating a lot of time-wasting activities and re-evaluating what I once viewed as important (and often time-consuming) activities. I learned to let go of trying to be "perfect." There was simply not enough time. I spent less time trying to have the perfect garden and the perfect barbeque and the neatest house. I still have a nice garden, use carryout for parties and overlook the dust on the furniture. Much to my surprise, the world did not come to an end, and no one even noticed.

A Good Laugh for What Ails You

Did you know that it is impossible for the body to create an ulcer at the same time that it is laughing? What does this have to do with stress and getting what you want? Laughter has a positive effect on your body and ultimately your outlook. Having a positive outlook affects your body and activities in a more helpful way than having a negative outlook.

It is impossible to control everything in our lives no matter how hard we try. Having a good sense of humor and being able to see the humor in difficult situations will not change what is happening, but it will allow you to handle the difficulties more effectively.

Some sites that discuss the importance of using humor to improve our lives are [broken link removed] and www.thehumorproject.com. The first site is from the health care provider Kaiser Permanente. It talks about the importance that humor plays in our health. Keeping healthy is absolutely critical to both our personal and professional success. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Every moment you are angry you lose 60 seconds of happiness." Life is too short to waste one precious minute of happiness.

In his book Anatomy of an Illness from the early 1960’s, Norman Cousins recounts how he used humor and Three Stooges films with his traditional medical treatment to overcome a deadly blood disease. It is a book that I highly recommend to everyone, especially if you or someone in your life has a chronic or life-threatening condition. The book should be required reading by all medical institutions.

Be a Day Maker

This is a story that will show how helping others can benefit your life. You are unlikely to be unhappy or even unsuccessful if you spend some time each day improving someone else’s life.

David Wagner was the owner of a major hair salon and spa business that does over $25 million in annual sales. A number of years ago, when David still provided
services to his clients, a woman came in for a haircut several weeks before she was expected. During the visit, David was wondering why she had come back so
far ahead of schedule, so he asked if she had something special to go to that night. The client responded that she did not. A few days later, David received a letter from this woman. In the letter she thanked David for the care and attention he provided and went on to explain that the real reason she had come in that day was that she wanted to look nice when they found her. She had planned to commit suicide that evening.

She explained that David was so nice to her and made her feel so good and so worthy of care that she realized that maybe life really was worth living. She did not commit suicide but rather sought professional help to improve her life.
It was at that moment that David realized that he had absolutely no idea this woman was planning suicide the very day she was in his chair. He realized just how
tremendously powerful the little things he did could be. More information on the daymaker movement can be found at www.daymakermovement.com.

Winner or Loser: It’s Up to You

Whether we succeed or fail or win or lose is completely dependent upon the decisions we make every day. Most of the decisions are quite small and ordinary but when added together determine our future. The same fate can befall two people, but winners will react one way and losers another. It isn’t the outside force that turns people into a winner or a loser. It is the inside force.

Everyone has problems, but people who are winners look for ways to solve the problems while losers look for someone or some act to blame. Instead of wasting energy looking for a scapegoat, look for an answer. Winners overcome their obstacles by looking for opportunities.

When something goes wrong, it is easy (sometimes too easy) to wallow in self-pity. Losers will always ask, "Why did this happen to me?" Winners, however, will always ask, "Now what should I do?" Winners are self-confident people who allow a positive attitude to turn a tragedy into a triumph.

One evening, as my husband and I were getting ready to go to sleep, I was worrying about something related to an upcoming program. In an effort to gain sympathy, I said that I was going to be up all night worrying about the problem. My husband simply replied, "If you think that will help." That remark changed me from thinking like a loser to thinking like a winner.

Do not waste your time worrying. Winners never do. Worrying solves nothing. Losers worry. Winners make decisions about fixing the problem.

Thomas Edison said, "I haven’t failed. I have found 10,000 ways that don’t work." Do you think he would have accomplished what he did if he worried about failure? Winners never worry about failure. As Henry Ford put it, "Failure is just an opportunity to begin again more intelligently." Losers see walls through which you cannot pass but winners see doors that lead to success.

Your life is all up to you. Make it the best it can be. You owe it to yourself, your family and your clients.