Maryland Bar Center
520 West Fayette Street
Baltimore, MD 21201
Jim Quinn
Director
1-800-492-1964
410.685.7878 ext.3041
Direct Line: 443-703-3041
jquinn@msba.org
Lisa Caplan, LCSW-C, CAC
Lawyers Assistance Program Counselor
1-800-492-1964
410.685.7878 ext.3042
Direct Line: 443-703-3042
lcaplan@msba.org
Honorable William G. Simmons
Lawyer Assistance Committee Chair
301-279-1540
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ARTICLES
IN THE THROES OF BATTLE:
Taking Time to Support
People with cancer and the People who care about them…
By:
Carol P. Waldhauser
Perhaps you have never been diagnosed with cancer,
but someone you know has. Perhaps you have suddenly, and without
warning, found yourself drawn close to this war through an acquaintance
or friend. Alternatively, the disease has drafted a loved one
into battle, and you are looking for ways you can offer support.
Fear, anger, and uncertainty are factors you are
dealing with and soon your life becomes an emotional roller coaster.
Fear of unfamiliar issues you must confront. Anger because you
wonder why. Uncertainty because perhaps you have never before encountered
something this serious. Doubt that you can be useful and helpful
to your friend or loved one.
The biggest single thing that you can do immediately
upon learning that someone you love, or a very close friend, has
cancer is to establish a positive mind set. If you can do that,
the result will be a strong mental framework to contend with the
issues brought forth by the disease, itself.
Other tips to assist a love one or friend include,
but are not limited to:
- CREATE
A TEAMWORK ENVIRONMENT
For the immediate and/or extended family:
- Some in the family are able to absorb the impact of diagnosis
sooner than others. This can create clashing needs as some
wish to talk and some need to be private and introspective.
- Verbal and nonverbal clues help determine when is a good time
to discuss the illness and how each will learn to live with it.
- The person with cancer has to primary right to set the timetable
for when he or she is ready to talk. Others can encourage that
readiness through their love and continued presence.
- Talking may include expressing anger, fear and inner confusion.
- Emphasizing the uniqueness of each person, positive test results
or good response to treatment is true support, both valid and
valuable.
- The person with cancer needs family or friends as a constant
in a changing world. "I'm here," offers great reserves
of support.
- COPING WITHIN THE IMMEDIATE FAMILY CIRCLE
- Cancer is a blow to every family it touches. How it is handled
is determined largely by how the family has functioned as a
unit in the past.
- Adjusting to role changes can cause great upheavals in the
way family members interact.
- Performing too many roles at once endangers anyone's emotional
well being and ability to cope. Examine what tasks are necessary
and let others slide.
Total commitment to teamwork includes becoming
an advocate to seek relevant new information about the disease,
about the health insurance, about treatments, about specialists,
etc. Learn to shift priorities, refocus your resources and
your lifestyle. Remember, make each battle "ours" not
"theirs"
- STAY IN CONTACT:
(For the close friend diagnosed with cancer)
- Perhaps the single most important thing for a cancer patient
is to have a network of friends who will treat him/her as a
living, breathing person with a future.
- When a person is dealing with a serious situation in life,
he/she usually has a need to talk about it. Remember, asking
conveys caring. Not asking conveys indifference (even if you
do not mean it to).
So, do not be afraid to ask. You do not need to
have correct responses, just the willingness to show you care.
If by chance you friend would rather not talk about his/her battle
at that time; they will let you know.
- Volunteer your assistance; do not wait to be asked. It is
hard enough to need help, have to ask for it is even more difficult.
- Send cards: It tells your friend that he/she is being thought
of and is being missed. In other words, send what you would like
to receive, if you found yourself in the same boat.
- SUPPORT THE CARE GIVER
There are two hurting people when one spouse
or close friend is seriously ill. Sometimes the healthy spouse
or friend is overlooked.
- Let the care giver know that you care about them;
- Find out what would help them most, i.e.: shopping, cleaning,
cooking, etc.;
- Give the gift of time; time for the caregiver to recharge their
batteries and take care of personal business.
From my own war experience and subsequent study,
I learned that cancer can be lonely and no one should try to bear
it alone. Consequently, I want to stress how important your role
is in an overall cancer-fighting plan. It is your attitude and
responsiveness to your spouse and/or friend that has the potential
to impact significantly how he/she fares each battle in the war.
The mental condition of the patient and psychological
cooperation of the family and the environment play important roles
in the restoration of the body. Every patient needs faith, love,
hope and encouragement.
DO NOT PROCRASTINATE: GET YOUR MAMMOGRAM SCHEDULED
TODAY!
If you would like additional information on
support for people with cancer and the people who care about
them go to our web page or e-mail cwaldhauser@msba.org
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