With his cranky, angry look, John Doe, Esquire, was in no way attractive. His eyes, steady and piercing, rarely moved from side to side. Instead, they stared straight ahead, resembling laser beams cutting through a plaster wall. Moreover, any attempts to communicate any point with John when he wore this face were virtually futile, a condition only made worse by his disinclination to admitted himself wrong on any point.

No words could adequately express the amount of time that John spent worrying about his cases, clients, cash-flow, employees and, most of all, his family. Of course, John knew that all jobs involved pressure and stress, but in his view the practice of law had more than its share of both, what with the uncontrollable paper chase, inflexible deadlines, unforgiving traffic, as well as the demands and expectations of clients, opposing counsel and family. At work, John’s distress surfaced in anger.

One day after having been reprimanded by a judge for his cranky, unacceptable attitude in Court, John took a long look into the mirror. John did not like what he saw in the glass – the unattractive look of anger. Rethinking the pattern of his behavior and his emotions, John asked himself, “Do I want to display an unattractive and unprofessional image while living a life full of anger, anxiety and disease, or do I want an attractive, professional look which reflects balance, serenity and wellness?” Suddenly, John decided that he wanted to shed his angry ways and image. John began to retool.

Through anger research is has become obvious that those who mismanage their feelings of aggression far outnumber those who express it effectively. In his acclaimed book Make Anger Your Ally, author Neil Warner categorizes people into four classic anger-mismanagement types, based on the behaviors that they typically employ. They are somatizers, self-punishers, exploders and underhanders.

As their name implies, somatizers present a passive behavior style which takes its toll on the body. They are individuals who choose not to express their feelings of anger overtly, but rather suppress them for fear of rejection or loss of approval by those who have caused a grievance. In other words, this management style promotes the martyr role.

Self-punishers are a second group of passive mismanaged-anger style defined by their channeling of anger into guilt. Characteristically, these people often get angry with themselves for getting angry with others. As a result, they deny themselves the proper outlet for their emotions.

Exploders embody the stereotype of uncontrolled aggression. These are people who express their anger in a hostile manner, be it verbally or physically. They erupt like a volcano.

Underhanders are like the exploder, but the underhander exhibits an active style of mismanaged anger that inflicts mild abuse on individuals in his or her proximity.

Develop a support system. Find a few close friends you in whom you can confide to whom you can vent your frustrations. Don’t force a person to become an ally; rather, allow him or her to listen and perhaps offer insight.

Develop realistic expectations of yourself and others. Many moments of anger surface because the expectations that we place on ourselves as well as others are too high.

Recognizing that much of his anger shared space with his deepest fears, our attorney John decided that he needed both an anger-management workshop and counseling. Through counseling, John began to implement the aforementioned positive coping skills for dealing with both his anger and fear. Additionally, John learned problem-solving techniques, stayed in shape, turned complaints into requests, learned to let go of resentments and made sure that he put a statute of limitations on his anger.

For more information on this subject, contact the MSBA’s Lawyer Assistance Program at (410) 685-7878, ext. 3041, or e-mail cwaldhauser@msba.org.